When human beings die, two things happen. First, their body immediately begins to enact, at lightning speed, everything on the person’s “bucket list”.
Watch an extreme slo-mo repeat of a man dying, and you will notice that he, to the best of his abilities:
- sticks his finger inside a dog’s lipstick pouch and wiggles it around with a thrilled yet horrified expression on his face
- goes down a water slide while his disapproving partner just stands there, like she doesn’t even know what fun is
- endures an acrimonious divorce in which every bitter thing he’s ever wanted to say comes out in a courtroom environment, like that time he went on a water slide, and although he immediately regrets it when he sees the hurt in his former lover’s eyes, he knows that he cannot apologise for fear of jeopardising custody arrangements. This is the problem with the adversarial approach to family law, he laments, as his final breath shoots out of him like a dazzling laser beam
The second thing that happens in they shit themselves. Ambulance drivers are so used to people shitting themselves that they don’t even bother putting their hands on their hips and rolling their eyes, these days.
Sometimes when a person dies, a ghost comes out.