Good morning Dave Grohl. You are Dave Grohl, the famous drumsman of the band ‘Nirvana’. Kurt Cobain just passed himself away with a gun, so now it’s time for you to start your own band, called the Foo Fighters. But before you can form the Foo Fighters band, you must first come up with the name “Foo Fighters”, a pair of words that have not yet occurred to you.
Do you [[look around->Look around]], or try to say the name "[[Foo Fighters->You Say Foo]] out loud?(set: $lookaround to "visited")
You are in your kitchen. You see knives and cucumbers. The usual suspects.
You may draw inspiration from the [[knives]], or the [[cucumbers]]You try to say the name of the band you’re going to be in, but you haven’t come up with it yet. Your mouth makes some shapes in a half-hearted attempt to speak the words, but it’s futile and wrong.
"The name of my band is Hell Grape"
(set: $foo to "visited")(if: $lookaround is "visited")[[[Go outside->Go outside]]](else:)[Hell Grape is not Foo Fighters. You can still [[Look around]]]It’s no use. None of the names you’ve come up with so far is “Foo Fighters”. You’ve absorbed every possible ounce of inspiration from your immediate surroundings, vis-a-vis knives and cucumbers, to no avail, so you decide to go outside to find inspiration in the great outdoors. Using Dave Grohl’s legs you kick open your front door and howl into the sky, “my name is Dave Grohl, I’ve come here to the outside where birds live, and I’m not going home until I can think of the name Foo Fighters”.
You may go to the [[pride parade->Pride]], visit a mysterious [[bagel shop->Bagel]], drive your [[car real fast->Car]], or head to the [[police station->Police]]
(set: $knives to "visited")
You grab the knife and swoosh it about above your head in an attempt to conjure up at least one of the words in the band name Foo Fighters. It’s working. You’re thinking of a band name. You swoosh harder and harder, the metal blade glinting in the light, flashing like a silver tooth. And then, all at once, it comes to you.
"My band is called Pickle Baby".
Pickle Baby is not Foo Fighters.
(if: $cucumber is "visited" and $foo is "visited")[[[It's no use.->Go outside]]](if: $cucumber is "visited" and $foo is not "visited")[Just try to say "[[Foo Fighters->You Say Foo]]"](if: $cucumber is not "visited")[Be inspired by the [[cucumber->cucumbers]].](set: $cucumber to "visited")You grab an armful of cucumbers and cradle them like a baby made of several cucumbers. Surely your precious cukes can help you think up the name “Foo Fighters”. You hold them tight, drawing them in close to your chest. The cumbers press hard against Dave Grohl. Some of them fall to the floor and roll away. The sight of the tumbling cukes triggers a brain-thought. That’s it. You’ve thought of a band name.
"The Peachy Boys"
Peachy Boys is not Foo Fighters.
(if: $knives is "visited" and $foo is "visited")[[[It's no use.->Go outside]]](if: $knives is "visited" and $foo is not "visited")[Try to say "[[Foo Fighters->You Say Foo]]"](if: $knives is not "visited")[Be inspired by the [[knives->knives]]].(set: $pride to "visited")
You ride a bus to gay pride, which is in full flow by the time you arrive. There is only one gay person in the town where Dave Grohl lives. Her name is Debbie and she is fifteen feet tall because of an accident. Everybody is running around Debbie and feeding her apples, as they do every year. Debbie screams “feed me apples” as bits of chewed up apple tumble out of her mouth. You fold your arms and smile at how good and queer this is. Surely one of these beautiful people will know how to come up with the name “Foo Fighters”.
(if: $apple is "got")[You have got an apple! Do you [[feed Debbie your apple->Feed Debbie]], or [[keep it in your pocket, twiddling the stalk between your thumb and forefinger->Talk To Debbie]]?]
(if: $apple is not "got")[[[Talk to Debbie->Talk To Debbie]]]
(set: $bagel to "visited")
BAGEL SHOP OWNER
Welcome to my bagel shop, Dave Grohl.
DAVE GROHL
Welcome yourself, buster.
BAGEL SHOP OWNER
It’s fortunate that you arrived when you did, Mister Grohl. I’ve been racking my nuts trying to think of a name for my bagel shop.
BAGEL SHOP OWNER
I have enough on my naming plate without having to think up a name for your business too.
BAGEL SHOP OWNER
Please Dave Grohl, you have to help. I’m begging you. People won’t buy bagels from a nameless bagel shop, in case the bagel shop is secretly called something horrible, like ‘Dreaded Bagels’.
DAVE GROHL
If I agree to help you name your bagel shop, will you agree to help me think up the name of my new band, whose biggest hits will include such songs as The Pretender, All My Life and Learn To Fly?
BAGEL SHOP OWNER
Get out.
DAVE GROHL
What?
BAGEL SHOP OWNER
Get out of my bagel shop, you opportunistic, selfish Dave Grohl.
DAVE GROHL
Excuse me?
BAGEL SHOP OWNER
You can’t perform a simple good deed without demanding some kind of compensation. You are not a kind man Dave Grohl. You are a cynic, and I want no part in your transaction of names. I’ll form my own proper nouns, thank you very much.
You leave the bagel shop, thoroughly embarrassed. In your eagerness to learn the name “Foo Fighters”, you compromise your moral integrity. You look over your shoulder as you walk away, and see the bagel shop owner painting a new sign above the entrance to his bagel shop. It is the new name of his bagel shop. It says “Terrible Grohl Bread”.
You can (if: $police is not "visited")[Visit the [[police station->Police]]], (if: $car is not "visited")[[[go fast in your car->Car]] for a while, or ](if: $pride is not "visited")[go to the [[pride parade->Pride]]]
(if: $pride is "visited")[go back to the [[pride parade->Pride]]]
(set: $win1 to "yes")
As Dave Grohl, you’re at your most creative when you’re driving your car real fast along the motorway, ideas and notions splattering themselves likes thought-flies against the windshield of your brain. You hop into your car and put your foot down, zooming along the motorway at breakneck speeds. 20mph, 30mph, 40mph, 50mph, 60mph, 70mph, 80mph. The speed is intoxicating, and your head begins to tumble and swirl, drunk on its own thinking, and spilling out fresh band names like nobdoy’s business. Then it hits you. It’s so obvious. “Foo Something”.
(if: $win2 is "yes")[[[Combine this word with the word "Fighters" that you got off a massive Debbie with your Nick Cave apple->Win]]](if: $win2 is not "yes")[You can: (if: $bagel is not "visited")[go to the [[bagel shop->Bagel]], ](if: $police is not "visited")[visit the local [[police station->Police]], or ](if: $pride is not "visited")[go to the [[pride parade->Pride]]](if: $pride is "visited")[[[go back to the local pride parade->Pride]]]]
(set: $police to "visited")
You slide into the police station like Kramer coming through a door. “Take me to the worst prisoner,” you shout at the police sergeant.
“Of course Mister Grohl,” he says, compliantly, as he escorts you to solitary confinement. There you find the musician Nick Cave. “We arrested Nick Cave because he lives in a cave,” the police sergeant tells you, solemnly. “And it’s extremely illegal to live in a cave.”
You may ask Nick Cave one question. Prison rules.
[[What is a Foo Fighter?->Cave Foo Query]]
[[How do I name my band “Foo Fighters”?->Cave Foo Query]]
[[Hey, is that really Nick Cave?-> Cave Query]]You try to form the question, but without knowing the name “Foo Fighters” your words come out as incoherent garbage noise. Nick Cave looks visibly upset, and the police sergeant asks you to leave.
[[Leave]]"Yes," replies Nick Cave. "I am Nick Cave."
[[Leave]](set:$apple to "got")Before you go, Nick Cave hands you a shiny red apple. Nice one.
You may now (if: $bagel is not "visited")[go to the [[bagel shop->Bagel]], ](if: $car is not "visited")[[[go fast in your car->Car]] for a while, ],
(if: $pride is not "visited")[or go to the [[pride parade->Pride]]]
(if: $pride is "visited")[or go back to the [[pride parade->Pride]]].
(set: $win2 to "yes")Debbie catches the apple in her mouth, chatters like a giddy dolphin and swallows it whole. Apples are her absolute favourite. She cranes her long torso around, lowering her face to your ear. She whispers a single word. “Fighters”.
(if: $win1 is "yes")[[[Combine the word "Foo" what you thought of in your car with the word "Fighter" what Debbie just said->Win]]]
(if: $win1 is not "yes" and $bagel is not "visited")[[[Go to the bagel shop->Bagel]]]
(if: $win1 is not "yes" and $police is not "visited")[[[Visit the local police station->Police]]]
(if: $win1 is not "yes" and $car is not "visited")[[[Go fast in your car for a while->Car]]]Debbie roars in disapproval. What could she possibly want from you?
You can (if: $bagel is not "visited")[go to the [[bagel shop->Bagel]]]
(if: $police is not "visited")[visit the [[police station->Police]]]
(if: $car is not "visited")[[[go fast in your car->Car]] for a bit]Well done Dave Grohl.
You have come up with the name Foo Fighters.
But the real Foos your Fought, were the friends you made along the way.