welsh

A language that for seventy years of English observational comedy was derided as a series of phlegm-filled hacks and sputters. If you ever had the misfortune to be alive in the 1980s, you’d have been treated to jokes such as: “That Welshman just said hello to me, and now I am irreversibly covered in sputum” “Apparently the River … Read more

gay?, is it

Are you gay? Here is a simple test for men: imagine you are sat at your desk, and you become dimly aware of a swooshing sound. Increasing in intensity, you begin to hear joyful screams between the rushes of air. Eventually distracted from your work, you turn around, and see  that someone from HR has … Read more

trousers, removing your

When a man removes his trousers, it is a dark portent. Nothing good can come of even the unbuckling of a belt, let alone the sinister swoosh of fabric against thigh as his leggings fump into a foreboding heap. Nine times out of ten you can expect this scene to play out: [rf episode=”2″]

volcano or paedophile?

One is a towering mountain, gushing streams of molten rock down its slopes, and belching clouds of ash that will decorate the land for miles around. And the other… is a volcano! Jokes like this were rendered redundant when it was noted that volcanoes and paedophiles can be distinguished with a simple DNA test. If the … Read more

ghosts

When human beings die, two things happen. First, their body immediately begins to enact, at lightning speed, everything on the person’s “bucket list”. Watch an extreme slo-mo repeat of a man dying, and you will notice that he, to the best of his abilities: sticks his finger inside a dog’s lipstick pouch and wiggles it around with a … Read more

straight talking

On the 1st April 2014, a spoof newsletter was sent, and I’m using the passive voice here, to the subscribers of Roger Helmer MEP’s mailing list. How this happened remains a mystery to everyone except Roger Helmer MEP himself, who has identified the culprit and taken “appropriate action”. Well thank fuck you got the bastards, … Read more

pussy pals

This is the tale of the two original pussy pals, whose highly pro-woman discussions were captured on eight-track and sold to truckers, so they could wank in their cabs to powerful feminist discourse. [rf episode=”58″]

fainting

There are many excellent reasons to faint. These include: You are bleeding out, and you body needs to lower blood pressure to delay death. The venom has paralysed you, and now the spider is pointing its egg sac into your tear duct and there ain’t nobody got time for that. You’ve been holding your breath for … Read more