a full blown shart

The improved lyrics to “A Whole New World”, as co-written and performed with Simon Chong in the second Live Show in the very middle of Soho.

I can lift up a leg
Let a small burst of air out
Tell me, princess, now when did
You last let your arsehole sing?

I can loosen my hoop
Gently release some methane
But there’s a greasy surprise as
a big brown stool slides out

A full blown shart
My trump was joined by lumps of poo
No one can smell it yet – my pants are wet
A stain that’s brown and gleaming

A full-blown shart
A pungent smell envelops you
I’m glad I’m stuck down here, your buttocks smeared
With what I can only describe as shit

(Shit that’s dribbling down my thighs now)

Unbelievable stench
Indescribable textures
Oily tubes of turd tumbling 
Through your filthy threadbare trunks
A full blown shart

(Don’t you dare hold your nose)

So many lumps of rotten food

(don’t hold your breath, it gets better)

I love your puking arse
Your shitting star
unclenched my heart
and now it’s in my mouth

A full blown shart

Solids with each damn gasp

So much shit it’s amazing

I’m gagging but I’m happy

I’ll wipe my arse one day
But for today
Let me share my muddy groove with you

A full-blown shart

(A big brown shart)

Shit’s everywhere

(It’s really nice)

A dirty place

My open face

For you and me

This song has gone on to become a staple at any King Billy Karaoke Night, with an accompanying video that absolutely would not get past any content copyright filters.