capability brown’s boys

Everyone knows and loves Lancelot Capability Brown, the man who sounds like some kind of amazing exotic Knight-Cowboy from India, but is in fact a gardener with not much going on in the chin department. But what Capability Brown lacks in chin, he more than makes up for with his extremely green fingers and Bassett … Read more

jones, grace and tom

STEVEHmm, hmm, hmm, washing my hair. Doop de doo. GRACE JONESWork, to the rhythm. STEVEWhuh, hello? GRACE JONESDance, to the rhythm. STEVEWho’s there? GRACE JONESIt’s me Grace Jones, I’m down here darling, I’m inside your plughole. STEVEGrace Jones? In my plughole? How on earth did you get in there? GRACE JONESLove to the rhythm. Well … Read more

quantum leap

Hello my name is Quantum Leap and I have found myself trapped in the past suffering from partial amnesia and facing a mirror image that is not my own. Oh boy, I’ve dropped my secret files. They’ve gotten all mixed up. Which of these Quantum Leap episodes is the real one? Season 4: Episode 9: … Read more

terminator genisys

Terminator is on a roof. John Connor is on the ground and shouting up at him. JOHN Jump, Terminator. Your Terminator legs will protect you from damage. TERMINATOR Negative, Terminator is scared. JOHN You don’t any emotions Terminator, how can you be– TERMINATOR TERMINATOR SCARED. JOHN Terminator we have to go stop Skynet right now … Read more


The following is how the Regular Features team caught Wrestlingmania, and how we used it to kill The Rock. As of 2015, this is WWE canon. SCENE ONE – INTERIOR, THE ROYAL RUMBLE WRESTLING CHANGING ROOM LOG Well here we are boys, inside the Royal Rumble Wrestling changing rooms, where all of the world’s best … Read more

cunt, your horse is a

An Icelandic football chant, throwing a spotlight on the player’s inability to tame a horse. Your horse is a cunt, Your horse is a cunt, He does what he wants, Your horse is a cunt. Over thirteen episodes of Icelandic Maury have starred horses who do what they want, to the despair of their footballing owners. It’s … Read more

steve jobs

Are you Steve Jobs? Take this test to find out! An employee tells you she has devised a new procedure that might save your company hundreds of man-hours every month. Do you: Congratulate her on her proactivity and consider her for promotion Shoot her with a crossbow and whisper “Speaking as Steve Jobs, your artless obsession with the … Read more

volcano or paedophile?

One is a towering mountain, gushing streams of molten rock down its slopes, and belching clouds of ash that will decorate the land for miles around. And the other… is a volcano! Jokes like this were rendered redundant when it was noted that volcanoes and paedophiles can be distinguished with a simple DNA test. If the … Read more