Are you Steve Jobs? Take this test to find out!
An employee tells you she has devised a new procedure that might save your company hundreds of man-hours every month. Do you:
- Congratulate her on her proactivity and consider her for promotion
- Shoot her with a crossbow and whisper “Speaking as Steve Jobs, your artless obsession with the mundane is utterly uninspiring to me.” Then get security to put her dying body into a trebuchet, and fire her into a swamp.
You are sending an iMessage to Bono. What does it say?
- What the fuck is your problem, you sack of human shit
- Hey Bono it’s Steve Jobs here, let’s rub our dicks together until we start a fucking pube fire
The opportunity arises to be kind. Do you:
- Seize it
- Feel repulsed, knowing that kindness is required only by the weak. Then feel jubilant, knowing that you, Steve Jobs, will never need the help of others, for there is no-one stronger, more complete, and less riddled with cancer than yourself
If you answered mostly 2, then you are probably the deceased cunt, Steve Jobs